Dating in japan as a foreign woman
I think during my short time here, I would have loved to date a Japanese guy and see his country through his eyes. The author of the post wrote about how many people took to YouTube to vent about their failed relationships with Japanese. To be honest, I know a lot of women who feel downright ugly in Japan and leave because dating is so miserable. In Japan, no matter how good your Japanese is, how many Japanese friends you have, or how well you speak the language, you will always be the foreigner. He speaks perfect Japanese and English, and despite being very Japanese at heart, my coworkers still think of him as gaijin.
Although the connotation has changed through the years for a less distasteful meaning, it means what it means. You are the gaijin , they are Japanese. You are the outsider. Every country has a dating game. They have their own rules, social cues, and expectations. Group dating is more comfortable in Japan and Japanese men will approach you subtly. I feel super uncomfortable on group dates because a date should be in between me and the person I like and not shared with a bunch of people.
After spending time with the person, a love confession means they want to date you. They send subtle signs like frequent texts or heart emojis. You know him, everybody knows him. A couple months ago, I was looking for windshield wiper fluid at a Yellow Hat auto shop. He put the fluid in my car and asked if I spoke English.
He told me he was going to study abroad in Texas and asked me out to dinner. Mind you this was all in Japanese.
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I thanked him for his offer, and made an excuse saying I was busy. If he wanted to get to know because he thought I was interesting, I might have reconsidered. Many people can get the wrong impression of Japan based on the entertainment. Do these titles ring a bell? Real life is nothing like what you see in a book or cartoon. Most high school boys are not fully grown and are still kind of short. For the most part, my students are really into sports, academics, video games, or trolling American Village.
Yes, they do date. Yes, they do have their high school crushes and sweethearts I know because they tell me in English and Japanese , but the girls are much more outgoing than the boys! Manga is more of a projection of the inner wishes of many women. What I learned in Japan: Texan in Tokyo hit the nail on the head. Can you help me? They just want the American experience. To read the full post. This is really sad, but a lot of my coworkers in their 30s look great, are smart, independent and beautiful women but are still not married.
Meeting guys is hard for them. Why would there be a need for a rent a friend , if it was easy to make friends in Japan? Making new friends requires a numerous amount of effort. Relationships, especially platonic work ones can be described as quaint and peaceful. On average, Japanese men in their 20s have sex about 4 to 5 times per month. Japanese women in their 20s have sex about 3 to 4 times a month.
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- Dating In Japan: Foreign Women Share Their Stories;
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I believe the marriage bed is sacred. Conversing with my girlfriends, we found that Japanese guys have a certain technique of kissing. If any Japanese guy comes across this blog, I offer some great advice for you. Throw out the garbage those sex magazines teach you. A woman will kiss you they way she wants to be kissed.
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As a Japanese man, I can understand the technique-focused aspect. Call us geeky Asians, but a lot of information Japanese men receive about sex is technique. I noticed that a while ago, there was an increasing number of sex-related books in Japanese bookshops. Some were technique-oriented, and some took a more holistic approach, but men seem to be more interested in the technical aspects of sex. The Japanese men usually possess these qualities: This is the guy who is interested and curious about what the world has to offer. He wants to know a world outside of Japan and is interested in foreign languages and not just English.
This guy is usually pretty good and may or may not have been abroad. This coincides with the above. Most people that live in Japan could never imagine marrying someone from a different culture or race. The unknown is scary. Both partners have to be willing to compromise.
What do Japanese men think about dating foreign women? - Japan Today
Another common circumstance is these women met their significant other overseas. This is the guy was hit by a train. Literally, the train of love. That wonderful train wreck of a woman turned his life upside down and that was it for the both of them. Dating can be exhausting. Looking or waiting for your partner can be depressing. If love is meant to happen to you, it will. Love can be painful and blind, but most people want it because of the euphoria it provides to revel in the love someone has for you.
But, I just wanted to say a few things here first okay, maybe more than a few things by way of comment AND correction! I certainly mentioned girls and women who failed at dating in Japan but only as a small part of a larger critique on what foreigners should expect abroad and how they should react to being a minority, even if they never have been before. As individuals abroad we need to be understanding of if not always appreciative of the hardships we face due to differences in culture, history, society, and even politics.
Is YT a good place to vent about these hardships I mention? But at the risk of sounding whiny to people like me! What bothered me about another girl is that she allowed one bad experience with a Japanese man to reflect on Japanese men and Japan as a whole— thus fleeing the country angrily and hatefully and yes, taking to YT to let everyone know all about it.
I always tell girls and women not to let South Korean media Kpop and Kdramas cloud their judgment as well. Hence, why I want to go to Japan and find out for myself in the first place! I am also familiar with much of what you talk about, and I mention this in my P. So, from one fellow blogger to another, I hope you can get to know both me and my article more through these hopefully not too tedious explanations and perhaps even make a few corrections just to let your readers know who I am and what I write more faithfully! Either way, this was an insightful read and helped me learn more about Japan— just a great article and a great read!
More, please— oh wait, I actually have a lot of catching up to do first! Thanks for commenting back. I actually spent a couple hours reading your blog because I found it so interesting. A very interesting point. Maybe you can also write a blog about the differences in behaviour of Japanese and western men? For us women who are interested in dating a Japanese man, to avoid any troubles. I believe that Japanese men are more polite and serious than western men, at least, the Dutch ones I dated: Thank you very much. The universal trait is that guys are quite interested in that aspect of relationships.
There are so many taller guys out there as well. I needed one pretty bad. On arrival found out all the women working there were Chinese. Her massage was really great…. I do massage for family and friends, and when I got a massage that is crap, it is quite frustrating. Out of the blue she said that the guys in the US were bigger than the Chinese guys. It seemed to me she had done a lot of massages and seen a lot of Chinese and US guys. You are so right! I remember your blog from a few years ago. I used to read it a lot, but then just lost sight of it! Thinking back, I think you might be onto something with foreign women having an interest in language and culture and that being a requisite for a relationship with Japanese guys.
Mind, most of my acquaintances and friends that got married to a Japanese party have studied Japanese studies, so there you go. But more women got married to Japanese men than men married to Japanese women, hmm…. Most of that is in the lewd category though, i. Dating in any culture is interesting but then to thrown in cross-cultural dating with all the hidden agendas is a complicated load to deal with. What seems to be missing is a true connection and intimacy.
So I guess the lesson is not to settle in life. By the way, I enjoy reading your insightful postings. At least I hope the humor is intentional. I look forward to reading more!
Talking about relationships, no matter if cross-cultural or not, is always complicated as each is very unique and has its own story. So the mistakes are not intentional, but the humor is! Lots of foreign guys end up with really average and below average Japanese women after being in the bars every night of the week looking. Guys with skills will do better elsewhere. The men who stay all end up getting married, right?
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The reality is, hooking up with Japanese chicks is a ton of work. Can you do it if you stay out late every night? But you can do that anywhere. What you said makes perfect sense to me. If you are a western guy with decent social skills, you might do better elsewhere. Having said this, if you are willing to put effort into understanding the culture, nothing will stop you from dating Japanese girls.
When I first came to Japan I thought the western men had it easy, too. Have flocks of women come to them without lifting a finger! In contrast, western women have to put in a ton of effort just to get a guy to respond back to a text message. But then, after living in Japan and later China for a long time, I started to spend more time with your average Japanese woman at the office.
I also started to see what kind of Japanese women my western-man-friends were typically dating. At first, I was jealous because Japanese women are nice, polite, absolutely adorable—basically, something I could not compete with. I realized that like in most countries, probably finding a decent Japanese woman is hard.
Someone who is not only cute, but honest and interesting and looking for companionship is especially hard to find in Japan.
Why is Dating Hard for Foreign Women in Japan?
While it may be nice to get some girls at the bar, I think western men must find it hard to find a Japanese woman that they would actually want to have a long-term relationship with unless all they cared about was having a chick that looks hot. As for us women: It sucks that we have to put in way more effort than we should to get a man. In the USA, I walk into a bar and usually by the end of the night I guarantee a few guys will approach me. In Japan, this hardly ever happens.
But who knows, maybe all that hard work and effort into getting a man helps us get a higher quality partner in the long run. But to be honest, I thought a majority of Japanese men were quite strange so I eventually gave up on trying to find a Japanese boyfriend. And I have to disagree with foreign women speaking better Japanese than men.
I also want to say that I love the photos on your website! Keep up the good work: Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us! While reading I felt like standing up and screaming: Being so fake, putting tons of make-up in their faces and speaking like cute little anime characters is certainly not something most sane guys are looking for. B-b-b-but men should approach me! Japanese girls are so boring and uninteresting!
Cry me a river sweet-heart. I thought I had it easy in America, but when I went to Japan just for a week it was like playing life on beginner mode. I consider myself a reasonably attractive guy fit, confident, etc. Women approach me in bars, come up to me to dance at clubs, and I do well for myself on Okcupid and Tinder. But nothing prepared me for how overtly forward Japanese women can be with their attraction. Being groped at clubs, girls giggling around me, and being eye fucked like no tomorrow on the train. I actually met a beautiful Japanese girl in Shibuya. We spent most of the week together before I left.
She has already spent some time with me in America. But what she lacks in that department, she makes up for being a surprisingly kind and gentle person. She absolutely loves animals and she is an extremely affectionate person. One aspect of this article that has been counterintuitive to my experience dating a Japanese girl is the concept of an allowance. When I was in Japan, this girl paid for all my meals, despite offering to pay for the meal, or at least my own.
She never tries to tell me how to spend my money and when she came to America to visit she literally gave me all her money to hold on to for her. She always tries to carry my belongings. If I have a bag with me, she absolutely has to carry it for me and refuses to listen to my objections. She always tries to clean my room and I have to tell her not to. I actually have some Japanese friends through work that grew up in Japan.
I can understand the appeal Japan has for foreign men. The women in Japan are incredibly thin and take awesome care of themselves. Well, it pays off. According to my Japanese friends in America, there is virtually no hook-up culture in Japan. See that attractive girl walking down the street in New York City? It is definitely interesting to read your point of view. I think that a lot of the stereotypes are just that, and may not reflect as much reality as we perceive.
Oh, it certainly does not, but you would have to write a whole book about it if you want to cover it all! After all each one is unqiue. I seriously doubt that you will find a really interesting girl in a bar. These are found by accident, at work, in a university, etc.
What’s Dating Like in Japan for Foreign Women?
French, Spanish and Italian men behave quite differently from Northern Europeans. They are also very different from Americans. I would assume South Americans are similar to southern Europeans, being influenced by Hispanic culture. European women are not so aggressive as Americans. I could go on. Simone, I agree with you. This was my long winded way of saying that those different people will have a different experience in Japan.